L is for love.

I would like to dedicate that post to my friend: my inspiration, my motivation, often my mind's miroir..

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. How much I want to escape it, it's always around the corner. In the bakery, in mail, on NYTimes's website that I read every morning.. It makes me think about love and relationships. I can't help but wonder: do we define ourself by our close, romantic relationships ? Does being in a relationship makes us a whole person ? Many questions driving my mind insane. Sure we need love, we need safety, happiness, true thing. We need fulfilling, crazy, devastating, can't- live- without- you feeling. Why is it ?

Psychologist say romantic love lasts one year. What comes after that is love out of the attachment to someone. Then, what motivates people to seek love? Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. 

As I looked online to find some research about THE subject I've realized: it's all the chemistry, no magic. Usually we fall in love with someone who we find attractive, and obviously appropriate for us. But... that person has to demonstrate he/she is attracted to us as well. It gives us an opportunity of self- expansion, it increases our self- esteem. 

What got me curious is the exception to that 'rule'. When our self- esteem is low, we tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love. We are then, in some double misery. It shows how important it is, to feel good about ourselves, to admire our possibilities of growth, to acknowledge our value.

And when do we fall in love ? Contrary to the common belief, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. Of course, it happens differently between cultures. Aside from the physical attractiveness we look at two attributes: kindness and intelligence. It brings no connection to what we SEE when we meet someone. So, how it happens?  Intelligence is important in all aspects of life: especially in love. Kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

How true is it ?

What is love, and what is lust. Stay tuned...