LOVE OR LUST ? OR BOTH ?
What differentiates love from lust ? Emotional and physiological components. Higher levels of hormones such as Dopamine, Serotonin ( I mentioned it in a previous post) are typical for romantic love. When we start feeling attached, we fall for a long- term relationship, commitment, levels of Oxytocin fire up. This hormone is called 'hormone of love'. Also plays a significant role in experiencing orgasms, anxiety, social recognition, maternal and couples bonding processes :compare to symptoms showed while on drugs such as MDMA (ecstasy).
The conclusion: high levels of Oxytocin are correlated with romantic attachment.
Lust or sex drive/ an appetite for sex can also base on that process, but gets generated by increased testosterone levels ( happens for both men and women). Heightened levels of testosterone inspire a feeling of focused attention and sexual arousal.
Let's focus on psychological understanding of love and lust presented by women and men.
Women connect sex with attachment, intimacy, romance. Au contraire, men are focused on physical aspects such as body parts. Studies show something interesting: men tend to consider sex as more intimate than women do (!). We look at this from evolutionary point of view. Women give men a chance to transmit their genes.
What recent studies have shown is that good-looking couples tend to divorce more often. Simply, people see their opportunities to form new relationships faster than others.
What happens in our brain when we are 'on love' ?
The neurologists have mapped the changes in our brain that occur when we are falling in love. The frontal cortex: vital to judgment, shuts down when we fall in love. MRI scans show this de-activation occurs only when someone is shown a photo of the person they adore, causing them to suspend all criticism or doubt. When we look at someone we are passionate about some parts shut down and some areas get activated. Some scientist truly believe the brain may behave in this way for ‘higher biological purposes’: simply for reproduction, but that doesn't sound very romantic. The put-to-sleep area also includes one that controls fear and negative emotions.
Numerous studies have shown a high levels of Dopamine, the key hormone to our experiences of pleasure and pain: (S&M ?) that links to euphoria, lust, addiction (!). Drugs such as cocaine have a similar effect on our brain. There's no joke in saying: 'Love is a drug'.
Because the level of Dopamine gets higher than usual, our body experiences a reduction of Serotonin, a key hormone in our appetite and moods. It all links us to people with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). And also explains why in love we feel often jittery.
What gives us a kick ? It's Adrenaline.
It brings all psychosomatic symptoms, such as faster heartbeat, dry mouth, sweated palms. Its amount also rises when we are frightened. The conclusion: people even a bit attracted to one another might fall in love if they experience some exciting or scary event together.
Lure of forbidden love ?
I truly recommend this video on TED. Lecture by Hellen Fisher.
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
I would like to dedicate that post to my friend: my inspiration, my motivation, often my mind's miroir..
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. How much I want to escape it, it's always around the corner. In the bakery, in mail, on NYTimes's website that I read every morning.. It makes me think about love and relationships. I can't help but wonder: do we define ourself by our close, romantic relationships ? Does being in a relationship makes us a whole person ? Many questions driving my mind insane. Sure we need love, we need safety, happiness, true thing. We need fulfilling, crazy, devastating, can't- live- without- you feeling. Why is it ?
Psychologist say romantic love lasts one year. What comes after that is love out of the attachment to someone. Then, what motivates people to seek love? Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people.
As I looked online to find some research about THE subject I've realized: it's all the chemistry, no magic. Usually we fall in love with someone who we find attractive, and obviously appropriate for us. But... that person has to demonstrate he/she is attracted to us as well. It gives us an opportunity of self- expansion, it increases our self- esteem.
What got me curious is the exception to that 'rule'. When our self- esteem is low, we tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love. We are then, in some double misery. It shows how important it is, to feel good about ourselves, to admire our possibilities of growth, to acknowledge our value.
And when do we fall in love ? Contrary to the common belief, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. Of course, it happens differently between cultures. Aside from the physical attractiveness we look at two attributes: kindness and intelligence. It brings no connection to what we SEE when we meet someone. So, how it happens? Intelligence is important in all aspects of life: especially in love. Kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.
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| How true is it ? |
What is love, and what is lust. Stay tuned...
